The news is out. San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum underwent a shocking — SHOCKING — transformation in the offseason.
Adios Seattle skater dude… Hola Mormon missionary. The 2013 Timmy is all short hair, tortoise-shell glasses and cashmere sweaters.
(Was that a cardigan he was wearing at Friday’s media day, or a pashmina? I know it was BROWN. Not so long ago, Timmy was strictly a black/gray guy.)
My friends and family are well aware of my love for Timmy, and I was pretty amused by how many people immediately reached out to me for my reaction to his new ‘do. Even my parents in Cleveland knew about his haircut in time for our usual Sunday morning chat, and stood ready to console in case I didn’t like it.
Please, people! My devotion to this man is not based on superficialities. Don’t cheapen it! It was never about his hair – which on almost anyone else I would have dismissed as much too hippy. It’s about the shy, skinny, freakishly bendable, freakishly talented guy underneath.
But allow me to put your minds at ease; I think Timmy looks dreamy.
My Mom asked if I was sad he wears glasses. No way! His new look is so… brainy. Depending on his prescription, maybe we could share a pair someday. Just like Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big did in the first Sex In the City movie.
Please just tell me he really needs specs, and hasn’t gone all Dwyane Wade on me, OK? Ann Killion of the San Francisco Chronicle called them “faux glasses”, which I’m going to just pretend I never read. That really would break my heart.
The downside of this whole transformation is… given its magnitude, there’s got to be a woman behind it. Probably a really pretty, tall, blonde one. (Although if those glasses are phony, there’s also a whiff of Barry Zito, wearer of fedoras and bad mustaches.)
Several years ago, Tim Keown of ESPN Magazine wrote about Lincecum, “He showers intermittently and makes no apology.”
“I might go three days,” he says with a shrug. “If it feels right, I go with it.”
He went from showering bi-weekly and twice-a-year haircuts to being coiffed – with product! Friends, that kind of sudden interest in grooming doesn’t just come out of nowhere.
Tim tried to downplay the change. “It’s nice to have something to upkeep. To take care of yourself.” Yeah, right.
You know what? Short hair or long, real glasses or faux — what I really care about is how Timmy pitches this season. He’s supposedly been eating right, training hard, and he seems to have his old fire and confidence back.
It’s a contract year for him, so by next season it doesn’t matter what he’s wearing… as long as he’s still wearing our jersey. And maybe a third World Series ring. That would be OK too.