Tending To My Spiritual Chakra: There Must Be An App For That

Yoga with an iPadBay Area yoga instructor Alice Van Ness was fired from teaching on Facebook’s Menlo Park campus last month, because she discouraged cell phone use during class. Before class began she asked students to turn off their electronic devices – a pretty standard request in the yoga world. However one student apparently felt she couldn’t unplug for a whole hour, and began texting midway through. So Ms. Van Ness shot her a look.

“I’m sure my face said it all. Really? Your e-mail is more important than … taking time for you? It’s more important than everyone else here?”

The student excused herself for a few minutes to take care of her business, but later complained to the fitness center’s managers and Van Ness was fired.

My first reaction when I read this story was… CRAP, you can get fired in Silicon Valley just for giving someone the stink eye? As my friends and family can attest, I don’t play poker for a reason. Let’s just say I don’t have the face for it. This could be trouble.

Next thought: There is one in every class… as well as every movie theatre, concert hall and restaurant. Regrettably, these days there even seems to be one in every public restroom. (Icky, right?)

Actually, there’s probably more like five in every restaurant – at least the ones I go to. This baffles me. It’s true I am an introvert and have a high tolerance for solitude, so grabbing lunch on my own isn’t a big deal to me. In fact, I love lunch-for-one when I’m running errands; Wasn’t that why Kindles were invented?

Are the solo eaters who talk on their phones throughout their meals extroverts, in medical need of conversation to aid digestion? Or is theirs a compulsion resulting from extreme self-consciousness, like “I am not a loser who needs to eat alone. Can’t you hear my nonstop chatter? I have FRIENDS, damn it!”

In public places where even more quiet is expected, and requests are made to silence cell phones, there is still always someone who “forgets” to do so. Then when his or her ring tone pierces the air, disturbing everyone in the room, they pretend to be shocked – SHOCKED – that they are the culprit. Can someone actually be too lazy and/or self-involved to use the mute or vibrate-only features available on every modern cell phone? It would seem so.  Or perhaps we have all grown unaccustomed to waiting.  For anything.

Technology has provided us innumerable ways to stay connected, and get information whenever we want it. That’s tremendously powerful. Remember when you had to check your home answering machine – from a pay phone! — in case you missed an important call?  How about when you had to wait until after the game to tell your friends how much fun you had at the ballpark?

Unfortunately common sense, judgment and manners have not kept pace with technology. Just because you can get (or send) information anytime you want, doesn’t mean you need to do so. And just because something can be addressed immediately, doesn’t mean it can’t wait. Yet these days, you’ll raise eyebrows if you tell someone you are going offline for one hour, or one day, or (gasp!) one week – especially in the corporate environment. But… what if you miss something really important?

But shouldn’t we all be asking, what are we missing today by not being in the moment? In my case, what might I be missing at the ballpark when I am hunkered down, updating my Facebook status in the middle of a San Francisco Giants game? (You know, like a foul ball fired straight at me?)

When was the last time you had a meal with a friend and gave your undivided attention, without checking your smart phone even once? I have to admit, it’s been a while for me. My friends deserve better, though. We all do, don’t we?

Just Squint and Think of Tartan

Hang on to your Dodgers’ gear.  Evidence suggests that a San Francisco Giants fan may have infiltrated the animation department at Disney!

I have been accused, from time to time, of seeing (read: imagining) Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum all over the place — but how could anyone overlook the uncanny resemblance between Young MacIntosh in Disney’s new film “Brave”, and our Timmy?

It’s as plain as the soul patch on Timmy’s chin.

Aye, both lads are tall and lanky with a dearth of body hair — which they make up for on their heads.  And don’t forget, Lincecum hails from Seattle, land of the utilikilt.

Spooky, huh?  Have I successfully blown your mind?

The good news: MacIntosh is partial to feisty redheads.  I’m just saying…

You all see the resemblance too, right?  If not, trying squinting and thinking of tartan.

Brave's Young MacIntosh
Brave’s Young MacIntosh
Tim Lincecum
Tim Lincecum

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Americans can be quite loyal to their morning news programs, and as such can take great offense when an anchor or other on-air personality is replaced.

I mock the Today Show, but have watched it for years.  I have yet to make a clean break from it — not because I am so attached to the personalities who supply me with the news, but because I have grown accustomed to the show’s pattern.  I don’t need to watch the clock; I know that I can usually wait until Natalie Morales finishes up at the news desk before I must jump in the shower.  If I linger to catch Al Roker, I know I’m pushing it.

I am also a big fan of several NBC political correspondents, particularly Chuck Todd for White House and election coverage.

All that said, I am now officially auditioning morning news programs.  This week, it’s been the recently retooled CBS This Morning with Charlie Rose, Erica Hill and Gayle King.  I’m not sure what to make of the triumvirate approach at the anchor desk.  No offense to Ms. King, but Charlie Rose is a heavy-hitting interviewer and journalist who, at times, can make her seem a little out of her depth.

The show is seriously low-key, and mercifully unlike Today in that no one seems to be going for the big belly laughs from the crew.  No jovial weatherman, no brotherly/sisterly teasing between anchors.  And so far, nothing remotely tabloid-ish.  Everyone sits around a big table, where the average IQ is at least 150, talking about real news.  Even – hang on to your hats, here – international news that does NOT involve what Kate Middleton wore to buy groceries last week.  It’s all very… PBS.

Perhaps best of all, there are no screaming crowds outside the studio.  No tourists captivated enough by the prospect of being on TV that they lug signs from Minnesota to New York City.  “Duluth Loves Al Roker!”

Next week I will give Good Morning America a shot, although after the cerebral CBS This Morning I think it may throw me into a fit from overstimulation.  The backdrop is Time Square, everything is a bright color, and there are two anchors, one news guy and one weatherperson crammed behind a teeny anchor desk — for easier banter, presumably.

No matter which network I settle on, it will be an improvement over Today.

Today showThe Ann Curry fiasco represents everything that’s wrong with NBC News; Today Show ratings drop over the past year, and since veteran reporter Ann Curry is the newest add to the anchor desk… she must be to blame. Fire her. Never mind that Today is hands-down the fluffiest, most vacuous of all the morning news shows. Forget that Matt Lauer seems bored and disinterested, and editorializes his way through just about every segment, especially those that involve a debate over good vs. bad parenting.  (What about objective journalism?)

Some recent Today lowlights?

  • iPhone video of a girl and her screaming dad on a death-drop roller coaster, rerun several days in a row.
  • Multiple-morning check-ins with an alleged “soccer mom madam”, who has finally been released from jail. NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE!
  • A long, drawn out series about Madonna Badger, who lost her entire family in a tragic Christmas day house fire.  The promo clips of Matt Lauer asking whether she could see her children through the window of her home as they perished were both shameless and tasteless.
  • An unhealthy obsession with a bullied school bus monitor from New York state.  Yes, it started out as an important story.  One of those “teachable moments”.  But by day five, the kindly old lady herself seemed confused about why Today kept inviting her to appear.
  • “Really Hot” ambush summer makeovers.
  • Segments featuring Kathy Lee Gifford.

I will miss Today for political coverage, though. Following this morning’s Supreme Court ruling on President Obama’s healthcare legislation, NBC worked like a well-oiled machine.

As a CBS reporter tried to digest the ruling on camera as we all watched — and CNN and Fox News went one step further by misunderstanding it, and declaring it a White House defeat – Today had one veteran reporter on camera, and several seated off camera, to quickly parse and digest the complex ruling and draw the appropriate conclusions.

Best of luck Savannah Guthrie – Magna Cum Laude Georgetown Law graduate, former criminal defense attorney, and newest co-anchor of Today.  Wonder how many cute videos of puppies you’ll report on, before you want to knock yourself in the head with a judge’s mallet?

Are You Being Served?

Angry baby on phoneUsually a call or letter to customer service is a 50/50 proposition.  I’m a customer – usually a disgruntled one — so the term is 50% accurate.  But the ‘service’ part of the equation can be elusive.

In early May, I bought two identical knit shirts (different colors) at an Ann Taylor Loft.  I laundered them that evening, and when folding them discovered several holes in each.  Cleary there was an issue with the quality of the fabric.

So I returned to the store two days later with the shirts, and my receipt with the date of purchase on it.  I explained the issue to the sales clerk and asked for a refund.  He gave a heavy sigh and said, “We don’t accept returns after the tags are removed”.   He did not make eye contact with me.

I pointed out that of course the tags were removed.  I had told him that from the start.  The problem was the items had begun to disintegrate after one washing.

He sighed again, and said he’d accept the return this time, but I should understand that it was against store policy.  (Read: I am doing you a really big favor.) When I began to object further, he shrugged and said “Hey, I’m just telling you our policy”.

I wrote a pretty scathing letter to the store’s headquarters at an address listed on the website.  Instructions on the site promised a response within five days.   Forty-two days later…

The (eventual) response was fine.  It included vague apologies for my disappointing experience at that specific store location and assurances that my feedback had been passed on to regional managers.  A 25% coupon was enclosed.  However, I was struck by the fact that nothing specific about my complaint – except the location of the store – was included in the response.  This was a form letter, albeit a well-written one.  Caution and efficiency trumped authenticity and sincerity.

Contrast this with a recent experience at the small jewelry store Mabel Chong, on Union Street in San Francisco.  There is no such person as Ann Taylor (or Ann Taylor Loft) as far as I know, but there is a Mabel Chong and she is awesome.

Mabel’s high-quality jewelry designs are beautiful and unique, but a pair of earrings I bought there had begun to discolor.  Strolling by on a sunny Sunday, I decided to stop inside and ask about it.  Since I had bought the earrings more than a year before, I didn’t have a receipt.   The clerk suggested that I come back with the earrings anytime, and she’d take a look.  Before I dropped them off later that week, I emailed Mabel Chong as well to give her a heads up, and I got a similar response;  Bring the earrings in, and she’d fix them.  And she did, in just a few days, without ever questioning my motives.

What a difference that made!  I wouldn’t hesitate to buy jewelry from Mabel Chong’s lovely little store in the future, because I trust her.  She understands that the satisfaction of people like me could make (or break) her reputation.

I was reminded of this today when I saw the photos below on Buzzfeed.com.  I chuckled at the kindness and creativity of the young man (age 27 and 1/3) who wrote a response to a toddler’s letter to a Sainsbury’s grocery store in London.

This exchange between a 3-year-old girl and a shopping center.

Of course it wasn’t necessary.  He could have sent a standard form letter – “Thank you for shopping at Sainsbury’s” – with a gift card enclosed, and the little girl and her mom still would have felt pretty good.  But instead he took time to congratulate her on her clever idea.  I’ll bet her family rarely buys groceries elsewhere because of his thoughtfulness, and now thanks to Twitter and Facebook more than 1 million people have seen the letter too.  All together now…Aw, that is soooo sweet!

Take heed, customer service centers everywhere.  Good things can happen when you worry less about efficiency and standardized responses, and let your customers know that a real person took the time to respond to a complaint or suggestion.

Power to the (small business) people!

How I Learned To Like Mondays

Adult studentI have always loved being a student. It’s a shame there’s no money in it, or it would be my chosen occupation.

My biggest challenge at school wasn’t the required reading or hours of study; it was deciding what classes to take. With just a few exceptions — my apologies to math teachers, but high school trigonometry was one of them – the entire course catalog interested me. Some of my fanciful choices (The Reformation in Britain, Reading Financial Statements) worked out well. Others (Russian 101) did not.

When it comes to education I am all about the journey – not necessarily the destination.

When I said goodbye to student life and moved to San Francisco, I took the requisite night course on wine tasting at the UC Berkeley Extension. It was a revelation: a class that involved no pre-reading or take-home assignments. It wasn’t even pass/fail! The only thing I was required to bring to class each week was an empty wine glass. Later, I took a number of photography classes that I also loved.

Eventually, though, I stopped taking classes for fun. I’m not sure why. My workdays got longer, for a start, leaving me with less energy to haul myself across town in the evenings. And perhaps I got a bit more practical about how I spent my disposable income; I should be saving for a car/house/vacation or taking classes for professional accreditation.

Something was definitely missing. So, in the spring I dusted off my thinking cap and signed up for a class called Monday Night Football: Inside America’s Pastime, part of Stanford University’s Continuing Studies Program. The class (held on Mondays, naturally) isn’t about the weekly NFL broadcasts – or even exclusively about the NFL. It covers the business of both pro football (about which I was already somewhat knowledgeable) and college football (about which I was clueless).

The best part of taking classes at Stanford – aside from the stunningly beautiful campus and the amazing microclimate that always seems to rest right on top of it – is that the school can draw some serious heavy-hitting speakers.

The highlights?

  • Columnists Mark Purdy and Lowell Cohn provided anecdotes about San Francisco 49er coaches, past and present.  How hard is it to pry a straight answer out of Jim Harbaugh?  Sorry, I’m sworn to secrecy.
  • Roger Noll, Professor of Economics, Emeritas, at Stanford schooled us on collective bargaining in the NFL, and shared his thoughts on the economic value a professional football team can bring to a city. (Hint: Don’t bank on it.)
  • Mike Pereira, a former VP of Officiating for the NFL and current “Rules Analyst” for Fox Sports, made us laugh for 90 minutes with his self-deprecating humor. He’s also pretty easy on the eyes, ladies.
  • Gary Cavalli, the co-founder and Executive Director of the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl, is the course director, so we hear from him every week. He is so charming, humble and knowledgeable I think he could even make trig fun! (Easy to say, as I will never test this theorem.)  Gary doesn’t like bloggers much, but I am blogging about how he’s the bomb so I should be OK.

So, if you have ever thought of taking a class at night – just for fun – I say go for it. It doesn’t matter if it’s sports, literature, knitting or self-help, as long as you are energized by the topic.  There are a million reasons not to: the drive is too long, you’ll get home too late, maybe you won’t like it.  That’s the one that always kills me.  Maybe you won’t like it?  Well, what if you do?

One of my favorite quotations comes from author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn. I replay it in my mind when I catch myself rationalizing my way out of taking a risk.

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

Mad Men Season Five… We Hardly Knew Ye

Well, that was kind of a disappointing Mad Men. I waited 17 months for season five which, aside from a phenomenal episode 11, appears to basically be a tease for season six?

Yes, I am kind of fuming — like when Betty Draper is told that the “help” has burned the peach pie, so there will be no dessert tonight.

That said… what a great final five minutes!  Rico Suave Don Draper is tempted by a vixen who looks remarkably like wife Megan, who is determined to forge her acting career despite all Don’s passive aggressive “assistance”.  Stop Matthew Weiner, you are blowing my MIND!

Oh God, when does season six start?

Sorry for the semi-non sequitur but… has anyone else noticed the resemblance here?  Coincidence? You be the judge…

Pete Campbell
Peter Campbell, a.k.a. the resident sleaze of AMC’s Mad Men
Lindsey Graham
Lindsey Graham, United States Senator, South Carolina (R)

P.S.  I am assuming Rodger decided to do LSD again, all by himself?  Megan’s mom apparently took a pass. She has some interesting boundaries, does she not?

Random Chapters From Facebook

Facebook LogoI’ve been thinking plenty about Facebook recently – random thoughts, mostly.  Perhaps this stems from the IPO fiasco — the fizzling stock price, and accusations of shenanigans by lead underwriter Morgan Stanley – that has kept the company in the news day after day.

Random Thought #1: Amid so much IPO media buzz, there was a subtle sign that maybe – just maybe – analysts and investors are getting a little smarter, and more scrutinizing.

A day or two before the IPO launched, I saw several news stories openly questioning how Facebook could generate revenue, and shareholder value, long-term.  (These came just after GM announced it would no longer advertise on the site.)

I am not a keen follower of IPOs, but this struck me as encouraging.   In the 1990’s, most of us didn’t ask these sorts of questions about Enron, or mortgage-backed securities, or faddish internet startups whose value propositions we couldn’t quite put our fingers on.  Such analysis would not have appeared in mainstream media, either.  If a company with a charismatic 25-year-old CEO had a foosball table in its lunchroom and let employees bring their dogs to work… we all wanted a piece of it.

I once heard a banking executive speak about the heat his firm took for not engaging with Enron.  He had been mocked for his conservative stance at the time, but explained that since no one could show him how Enron made money, he felt it was just too risky.  And of course, he was absolutely correct.  Maybe that type of thinking is finally catching on.

Brian BanksRandom Thought #2: Have you heard about Brian Banks?  As a 16-year-old high school football standout with hopes of attending USC, he was falsely accused of kidnapping and raping a classmate.  On the advice of his attorney, he pleaded no contest, and served five years in prison followed by five years on parole as a registered sex offender.  His dream of playing in the NFL was, seemingly, over.

Here’s the part that, surprisingly, hasn’t received much media coverage: Enter Facebook.  One day, out of the blue, his accuser sent him a Facebook friend request.  It essentially suggested that they let bygones be bygones. Are you freaking kidding me?  Banks couldn’t believe it.  He suggested a meeting with the woman, and invited a private investigator to tag along and secretly record the conversation.  His accuser readily admitted that she’d made up the entire rape story, for reasons that remain unclear.  The videotape of the meeting was presented in court, and Banks was completely exonerated.

Someone who falsely accuses another human being – especially a friend they have known all their lives – of a heinous crime, and watches that friend’s hopes and dreams fall to pieces, is obviously a very troubled soul.  Perhaps she suffers from mental illness.   Regardless, she is very dumb.

We’ve all received an unfortunate Facebook friend request or two, and wondered “Why on earth would this person think I want to reconnect with them, given our history?”  They all pale in comparison to this.

More good news: Brian Banks has been invited to work out with several NFL teams, including the Seattle Seahawks and the San Diego Chargers.  I suspect social media may have played a part here, too.  Banks’ story spread like wildfire on Facebook and Twitter.

This is probably the most egregious misuse of Facebook I have ever encountered.  I’m still scratching my head about it.  If you have an eye-roll-worthy Facebook story, let’s hear it!

Happy 75th Birthday, Golden Gate Bridge

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Happy 75th Birthday to San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge.  I am blessed that I can see you from my rooftop, jog along the bay with you as my destination, and drive or walk across you anytime I like just to take in your views!

How Mad Men Got Its Groove Back

Until tonight, I had begun to despair about Mad Men.  Don Draper was now a dutiful – if still selfish – husband and father, having settled into domestic bliss with Megan.  No more skirt chasing or cut throat antics at the office. His ex-wife got fat, and boring.  Daughter Sally remained spooky.  Rodger was still a funny drunk, and Pete was still a cringe-worthy worm.

With only a few episodes left, where was all this going?  Never fear, cracks are beginning to appear in Don’s milquetoast existence.

Desertion (or perceived desertion) – mostly by the women in Don’s life — was the central theme tonight.  A deserted, disappointed Don Draper is a dark Don Draper, and we all love Dark Don Draper… preferably with a tumbler of scotch in his hand and a fedora pulled down over one eye.

To start, Megan announces she got a call back, and casually informs Don that if she gets the part she’ll be in Boston for 3 months for rehearsals.  Don flips out.  She doesn’t get the part, but I suspect tonight is not the last time Megan’s Broadway aspirations will threaten domestic tranquility at Chez Draper.

Desertion number two: Peggy Olson is leaving Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce.  Her contributions were dismissed once too often and she has accepted an offer from a rival firm.

Don’s expression when Peggy announces her resignation is full of heartache and confusion, despite the fact that he’d thrown a wad of cash in her face the day before, because she dared complain about Ginsburg getting credit for her work.

The writing for this scene is superb.  At first Don patronizes and bullies Peggy.  “Let’s pretend I’m not responsible for every single good thing that has ever happened to you,” he says, demanding a salary figure that would make her stay.  But this time Peggy is in control, and she politely declines.  She extends her hand, and instead of shaking it… he kisses it as Peggy cries softly.  There’s nothing romantic about that kiss.  Don is scared, lonely and devastated.

Even more poignant are tonight’s scenes with Joan.  Last week, these two old friends slipped out of the office early to test drive a Jaguar, have a few drinks, and cry on each other’s shoulders – all while doing a little harmless flirting.  More great writing.

Tonight things get darker, as a slimy Jaguar executive makes his approval of hiring of Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce contingent upon a date with Joan – and by “date”, he doesn’t mean dinner and dancing.  Pete poses the idea to Joan, and when she doesn’t brain him with her stapler he assumes she’s open to the idea.

Is she really willing?  It’s hard to tell at first, but once Pete indicates that ALL the partners are supportive of her prostituting herself – but only if SHE really wants to – she quietly goes forward with it, in exchange for a 5% partnership.

Joan’s performance is breathtaking.  Her poise rarely slips, but when it does you see her profound disappointment because Roger (her former lover), Lane (a supposed friend who urges her to take the partnership instead of cash, so that his financial shenanigans are not discovered) and most of all Don, have so little regard for her.

The writing and performances get even better when Don hears of the plan, and rushes to Joan’s house to stop her.  He tells her no account is worth the sacrifice she’s considering.  She lets him believe that she won’t go forward with the date, but in fact the date is already over and the deed is done.  Don only realizes this the following morning, when word arrives that Jaguar is on board, and Joan shows up for her first partners meeting.

The looks that pass between Joan and Don at the end of the episode remind me of why I watch Mad Men – how it hooked me and pulled me in from the start.  Isn’t it just like the writers, to come up with something this good with only a few episodes left in the season?  For me, tonight ranks right up there with season four’s “The Suitcase”. I think Mad Men fans will be talking about it for a long time.

What was your favorite scene in tonight’s Mad Men?  And why do you think Don couldn’t work with the “Jaguar is like a mistress” pitch at first? He’s certainly had plenty of experience with the topic!

Stick a Fork In Her. She’s Done.

Patricia KrentcilYesterday was another you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up morning for me, courtesy of The Today Show.  A New Jersey mom is accused of causing sunburn to her five-year-old daughter by placing her in a tanning bed.  Not even a spray-tan booth, à la Snookie.  We’re talking about an old-school tanning bed complete with retina-shielding goggles to prevent, you know, blindness.  One of those contraptions that has been linked to premature aging and Melanoma.

Impossible, you say?  What kind woman would inflict such a thing on a young child?  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you… Patricia Krentcil. 

I’m traveling for work this week, so at first I thought there was something wrong with my hotel TV.  Was the color off?  Krentcil is blonde, but has leathery skin the color of an old baseball glove.  She could easily be mistaken for Al Jolson in blackface.

Maybe she is telling the truth, and her daughter merely accompanied her to the tanning salon, but waited outside while Mom cooked herself to a crisp.  (Krentcil claims a teacher heard the little girl talking about “going to get a tan with mommy” and misunderstood.)

Perhaps.  Someone may be addicted to tanning, but that doesn’t mean she would force her five-year-old kid to do it.  The funny thing was that everyone on Today kept a perfectly straight face throughout the segment, and no one even pointed out that Patricia Krentcil is (to quote the Associated Press ) “deeply tanned”.  Apparently seeking to dispel any hint of bias, the story was presented as sort of a he said/she said situation.  As if, due to the lack of circumstantial evidence, we might NEVER know what happened.   

Never fear, on Day Two of Pigmentgate, Today changed course and invited medical experts — who have never met Krentcil — to speak about the dangers of her ‘tanorexia’.

Speaking of blackface (sort of), Ashton Kutcher is in hot water for his appearance in a new Popchips commercial in which he impersonates a Bollywood producer, wearing brownface and using a strong Indian accent.  Twitter erupted with charges of racism, and the ad was swiftly pulled. 

I am completely baffled.  This causes outrage, but not Metro PCS commercials that mock Indians using every unflattering stereotype in the book?  Those cringe-worthy ads have been going on since 2010!  Kutcher’s Popchips performance is not exactly enlightened but Metro PCS commercials are insulting and completely unfunny, and they make me change the channel.

Ashton Kutcher