Harry and Meghan: Let’s Unpack This

 

Unless you’ve been vacationing amongst the Amish, you’ll have heard by now that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry – a.k.a. “Sussex Royal” – have gone rogue. Or nuclear. Or just plain bananas. Take your pick. They want OUT of the (royal) family business.

For the insatiably curious, the Daily Mail Online is providing by-the-minute updates on Her Majesty The Queen (“disappointed”), Princes Charles and William (simultaneously “incandescent with rage” and “sad and worried”), Prince Harry (fragile, henpecked), and Meghan (a scheming American shrew who is entirely at fault here).

Royal Wedding GIF by BBC

I wrote an Ode to Meghan Markle shortly after her wedding, but am not necessarily a fan. Then again, my main source of royal news comes from the snarky British tabloids, who from the start defined Meghan as a stereotypical American: ambitious, demanding, pushy, social climbing, materialistic, and ignorant and unappreciative of history and tradition.

They also depicted her as a silly new age yogi with a penchant for pricey organic interior paint, because she’s not just American… she’s also from Los Angeles.

Meghan has been blamed for the royal rift, right down to the announcement posted on the new Sussex Royal website that outlines the couple’s basic plans, referencing “internal discussions”, “stepping back” and transitioning to roles that are “progressive”. They even intend to “collaborate” with The Queen – a notion that sent royalists into a tailspin.

Apparently, Her Majesty does not collaborate.

Prince Harry GIF

The business-babble announcement was nearly indecipherable to tabloid reporters and courtiers – but white collar employees on both sides of the pond understood it well. We see it all the time in spin-doctored announcements from senior corporate leadership that don’t tell the reader much except… that they’re screwed. (Take heed, British taxpayer.)

Maybe your company is “transitioning” to a high premium healthcare plan. It sounds like a win, until you remember that healthcare “premiums” aren’t something Americans want more of.

Or, after “collaborating” with federal prosecutors, your CEO is “stepping back” to give his family “the space to focus on the next chapter”. Yikes.

The royal brouhaha also brings to mind a few common-sense working-stiff rules my parents taught me, like:

  • Don’t quit your job until you have another one. (Rumor is, Meghan is way out in front of this one.)
  • Don’t burn bridges on your way out. (Make a clean #Megxit.)
  • Tell your boss you’re quitting first, before you tell ANYONE else.
  • Remember, even the most popular employee is replaceable. (Anyone see Princess Charlotte curtsy outside church recently? #JustSayin)

This week, interested parties will meet at Sandringham to hash out thorny issues — all except Meghan, who has already decamped to Canada. Headlines say she’ll be “calling in”. Picture it: the Duchess on a Polycom, fiddling with the buttons and apologizing for speaking while on mute. She may even disconnect herself mid-call by kicking the power cord under her desk, and have to dial back in. “Meghan… has joined the call.”

Royals: They’re Just Like Us!

Hopefully, “collaboration” will bring an end to the British royal family feud. Fingers crossed for a “win-win” paradigm shift — see what I did there? — so we can all focus on more uplifting topics.

Like Brexit.

Oh wait…

 

what would you say you do here office space GIF

 

 

Ode to Meghan

Image result for meghan markle

 

 

 

 

The UK has a new Duchess
And the press hasn’t pulled any punches
It’s “Buyer Beware”
Knives are out over there
And knickers are twisted in bunches.

When Harry put a ring on the actress
The world nearly fell off its axis
He’s hitched to a Yank
A plus one, without rank
Putting cracks in the walls between classes.

Royal watchers admired her uniqueness…
at first, then her strength was her weakness
“She’s hungry for power!”
“At home, SHE wears the trousers!”
“Just look at that dress, is it SLEEVELESS?”

Her skin “dark”, and her nails even darker
Bare legs without stockings and garters
In print, and on telly
Always stroking her belly
While her father and sister play martyrs.

Meghan shouldn’t be on a pedestal
But let’s take the snark down just a decibel
Must folks always berate
And compare her with Kate?
Isn’t generosity slightly preferable?

So the next time your hide’s being chapped
By her freckles, or dress with one strap
Try Meghan’s trick: yoga
Or mine: scotch and soda
Whatever it takes. Just RELAX.

Image result for meghan markle

Some Advice For Prince Harry That Rhymes

Prince Harry

There once was a royal named Harry
Whose behavior was quite the contrary
For anyone privy, he’d strip to his skivvies
His motto was drink and be merry.

The Prince took a trip to Nevada
Self restraint?  Alas, he showed nada
He brought his buddies over,  just like in “The Hangover”
Now the world’s seen his whole enchilada.

Saucy pics of his princely rear-end
Have emerged.  Harry I recommend:
You can act like a lad, when you’re scantily clad
But take better care who you befriend.