Living Velveeta Loca

Velveeta Print Ad: Eat Liquid Goal

If you’ve noticed your cupboard is lacking
A popular processed cheese spread
That smothers your nachos
And squirts out of tacos
And melts between slices of bread.

It’s more than a terrible rumor
The facts have been widely reported
From Maine to Topeka
Someone’s moved our Velveeta
We’re facing a national shortage.

Turns out there’s a good explanation
For how things have gone so awry
It’s not just neurosis
Here’s the diagnosis
Demand is exceeding supply.

You can’t find a block of it anywhere
Not a sliver, a chunk or a slice
We won’t go organic
We’ve started to panic
So desperate, we’ll pay any price.

If you’re hosting a Super Bowl party
And the lack of Velveeta displeases
Just blame it on Kraft
And pour lots of drafts
To distract from the crackers and Cheez Whiz.

Mel Ramos poster of Velvetta package
Artist: Mel Ramos, American (1935 – )

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